oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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