Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
