history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
