Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
