well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
