I accidentally had phone sex last night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
