i think my tv is drunk
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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