i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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