I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we should paint friendship bongs
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