I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
