history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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