why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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