i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
