i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just pee around me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's rum buckets o'clock
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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