But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
