I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Randomize
