My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
