Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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