He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
