Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
