My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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