Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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