maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
