On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
