Pants 0. Shit 1.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have fence marks all over my body
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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