hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
