I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
