It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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