I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
