She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
