I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
