i wish starbucks made bloody marys
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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