The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
