we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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