i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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