You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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