Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
