he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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