Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
