So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
