Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Randomize
