Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize