You really coming over, don't trick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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