return my video game
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
