I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
