Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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