The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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