ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
