Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
a search helicopter?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
