those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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