I can tuck mytits in my pants
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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