I wannas sexs uuuuu
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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