dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
