I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
