dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
