I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize