pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
