That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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