Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
