she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
