we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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