In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sobbing to NWA
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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