Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
