i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize