go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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